by Flossie alias ‘Puptales’ aged 8 and 3/4 weeks
Ok, so you all knew I was coming… but I didn’t have a clue did I? One minute I am just a tail among many, the next I am thrown in at the deep end with a bunch of strangers and a hairy chap called Keano who displays complete indifference to my puppy like charms.
It’s enough to give a girl a complex but I am determined to win him over.
No sooner have I arrived than I hear I am to be the author of a monthly blog – wow! This sudden rise to doggy literary fame is a little daunting for one so young and I am more than a tad in awe of my predecessor into whose pawprints I warily tread.
So, allow me to introduce myself. I am a Golden Retriever called Flossie. That’s not short for anything you understand, although I have a most hallowed lineage. I have heard the Boss say that I bear the same name as her grandmother – apparently that lady was so named because her own mother was reading ‘Mill on the Floss ‘on the day she was born’ – spookily, having named me, the boss then discovered that I share the same birthday as her late grandmother (I leave you to remark upon this coincidence – means nothing to me!)
I now live with the Boss and her family and Keano who looks nothing like my mother (probably of mixed parentage) and spends his time looking out of the window for unsuspecting delivery men. One day I want to be able to bark as loud as ole’ Keans. Meanwhile, I am stuck with this pup sized squeak that makes the Boss and the family laugh – but I am working on it.
My days currently consist mostly of eating, sleeping and trying to discover the secret of the universe. My quest for knowledge however, is constantly interrupted by one or other of the human family who insists upon hurrying me out to the garden to ‘perform’ at frequent intervals.
This, I hope, is but a temporary inconvenience and once they trust me to know when I want to ‘go’ and to ‘go’ in the right place, they might leave me in peace.
So, what have I discovered about life so far? Well, first of all, the place they take you to, to receive your vaccinations is very interesting. Falling asleep on the Vet’s table before he has had a chance to do anything at all, causes humans to coo and laugh. If you store a piece of chewed up newspaper in your mouth for later, the Vet is bound to find it and make you feel a little silly for having it there in the first place. The floor in the Vet’s is very slippery and young humans are drawn towards puppies just as puppies are drawn to young humans but their teeth are not as sharp.
Other revelations include:
If one runs full pelt down the garden, one finds oneself losing one’s footing and somersaulting to an undignified halt. (Memo to self – practice in private to avoid embarrassment).
Drinking from the water bowl causes the tips of one’s ears to get very wet and not everything that fits into one’s mouth belongs there.
This last is something I need to work on according to the Boss who has spent an inordinate amount of time prising my tiny jaws apart with her fingers in order to retrieve some foreign object from within. It’s an excellent game and I intend keeping a score sheet. To date I have clocked up a variety of plastic caps, a burst balloon, an elastic band, two pens, several slippers, someone’s leg (an honest mistake), a birthday card, various cables, numerous twigs, leaves and a particularly ugly and crunchy bug that I gave up only after a fight.
Well, writing is just as tiring as tearing round the garden at break neck speed with someone’s sock in one’s mouth, and I feel the need for a nap before the Boss notices me and whisks me out to the garden for the thousandth time. I can crawl behind the sofa and sleep soundly in the knowledge that ole’ Keans is permanently on guard. Go Keans!
Until next time,
Flossie May 2010