I have a secret.
You didn’t think dogs had secrets? Well, think again!
There is a hole in the fence. I can squeeze through that hole. Exciting eh? I’d tell you exactly where it is but it’s my secret you see. I use it when I feel like going a bit further afield than the back garden.
This morning, Charlie and I were let out to carry out our ablutions. Between you and me, I have decided that Charlie is a bit of a goody-two-shoes.
“Come here Charlie,” and he’s there.
“Leave, Charlie,” he leaves whatever it is he isn’t supposed to have.
I should stress that this has not stopped him from shredding the fabric on the Boss’s stool, chewing up a pair of old shoes left outside the back door, using a child’s plastic plate as a frisby, and committing other minor infringements. However, all things considered, he is pretty good.
Actually, goody two shoes stuff, does pose a bit of a problem for me and my secret. You see, every time I slip through the fence, Charlie goes whining to the Boss and reports me missing. Luckily, even Charlie doesn’t know exactly where I can fit through the fence. It is buried deep in the shrubbery. The Boss has yet to figure it out too.
Take this morning for instance. I swear I saw a deer. Naturally, I raced down the garden but when I got near, that deer had vanished. Standing there, surveying the landscape, I caught the trail of something else. Following it, I discovered that it led straight to my secret gap in the fence. So, I just had to go through it didn’t I?
I knew I’d not be very long. Five minutes at most. The Boss wouldn’t even miss me in that time. I slipped through the gap into the next garden and from there it was easy to slip into the next. Finding my way round to the front of the house, I was soon heading back up the road and arrived at my own front door just in time for someone to let me in.
It’s always best to look nonchalant and wag your tail on these occasions so I did just that and although their mouths hung open, no one said a word as I walked in. I think I got away with it. Charlie was beside himself of course. He had been trying to tell them I’d gone but they were all so busy getting ready for work or whatever it is these people do, he was ignored. Never mind Charlie.
I have learnt that one of the best ways to keep a secret, is to throw everyone off the scent.
After our morning walk in the woods – which included a few wallows in the stream and lots of racing through the bluebells which the Boss keeps photographing
(not sure why), we returned home. Goody-two-shoes, Charlie, was allowed to go straight into the garden without his lead. The Boss decided the twigs in my tail and the mud clinging to my underside, needed to be removed before she let me go.
Charlie waited patiently, as he does, while I was showered.
Finally, we were both allowed to head off into the garden. At this point, the Boss normally gives us a treat. Today she didn’t. Today, she decided to go and hunt for the secret gap in the fence instead.
“Where’s the hole Floss?” she asked as she scoured the perimeter. Did she really expect me to tell her? A secret is a secret after all.
Charlie darted in and out of the shrubbery like a lunatic as though he might find the hole for her. (I told you, a bit of a goody-goody). The Boss took this as a sign that the hole was somewhere in the vicinity and kept climbing through the bushes and exclaiming,
“No, surely you can’t get through this Floss?” as she pulled a piece of wire up or pushed a piece of wood into place. Of course I couldn’t get through that but like I said, throw them off the scent…
My cunning plan took route.
I casually wandered around the perimeter, Charlie at my heels. I’d nose my way a bit further into the shrubbery and scrabble at the ground a bit. The Boss would be behind me, shooing me away. Crawling into the smallest of spaces, she ignored the scratches and the things in her hair and tested the fence. I sensed she was frustrated.
I moved on to another section. She followed. She shooed me away. Charlie bounced around, a little perplexed.
“Can you jump over this?” she asked, eyeing a particularly dangerous looking collection of wood, fence and tree. I would have sniggered but I don’t think we dogs can snigger — not so you’d notice anyway. I moved on, she followed.
We did this several times until we reached a particularly bramble filled patch. I had to crawl into the gap, never mind the Boss. Once she was in there, I wriggled away (I am not telling you where, it’s a secret)
Charlie noticed and tried to warn the Boss but she was so caught up in the brambles, she couldn’t extract herself with speed. Charlie shivered and shook with frustration. Finally, the Boss emerged. I only heard about this afterwards of course because by this time I was exploring the neighbourhood gardens.
I could hear the Boss calling me and I could hear Charlie barking but neither had any idea how I had got through the fence. Mission accomplished!
I hadn’t intended going for long of course but there was a lot to to see and sniff so I might have been longer than five minutes.
Charlie and the Boss decided to wander up the road and were most surprised when I came tearing up behind them, grinning with excitement.
“Where have you been?” the Boss asked.
I’d tell her if I could but she wouldn’t understand. I let her clip a lead to my collar and we trotted home.
She thinks she heard a door open and shut just before I came racing up the road. She thinks I may have gone into someone’s house but I am not telling her. I mean, who’d want a strange, soaking wet, hairy dog running through their living room?
I am resting in the house now, looking as though butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth. I am also pretty tired after all that adventuring but at least my secret is safe.
No, no photos, please!